Friday, April 18, 2008

Learning Trusting Others

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By: Ubaydillah, AN
Jakarta, 04.18.2008
Stories From Ex-Mafia
A former boss (Mafia) Italian memories when he was a child. His father, who is also the mafia boss, when it sent him climbing a wall high enough. Without thinking, the child immediately climb. Arriving at the top, the father immediately told him to jump down. Of course he’s confused. “Why bother to have then told to jump up again”, perhaps so the boy thought.

But the father insisted him to jump. “Come down, my son, with how to jump,” shouted the father. “Let’s do it ordered father.” The child of course, confused, scared, and he seemed unconvinced. “My father would catch the body from below”, the promise of the father to offspring. “Do not be afraid, my father will rescue you.” Finally, the boy was convinced by the promise of his father. And a few moments later, with the position of skydiving, the child leaped toward her father who was ready to capture the position.

But when the boy jumped up, oddly enough, the father away at lightning speed. Certainly there is no opportunity for the child to improve his position. Nose kissed the ground, broken and bleeding. His hand sprained and bruised. His breathing stopped for a moment. Fortunately, no broken ribs. Once conscious, he gasped his father immediately got up and protested. “You deliberately want to harm me huh?” With a face without sin, the father replied:

“You must learn not to trust the same people,
even on your own father! “

The story above you can find in his book Francis Fukuyama (Trust, 1995). From the information he got, apparently the above story is not fiction, but the fact that never really happened. If caught wearing feeling, that’s the practice that really cruel. How could the father who should be in charge of protecting and caring for children, turned out to deceive and harm.


But, apparently the father did not want to wear such feelings. This time the father wants to use logic. The father wanted his son to know the reality. The father wanted to educate their children. Education is expensive, he said. From his experience as a mafia boss, yes indeed the reality of it like that. Sometimes it is easy to learn to not believe. Even if one must believe, do not you give it full trust.

On second thought, not just the mafia world is full of tricks and intrigue like that. Not only for the candidate of the mafia boss who had to learn how to trust people, and learn how to not trust people. Normal life as we experience too often colored by the practices that require us to learn when to trust others and when not to.

not lucky, to know “when” it is not easy because there is no book. Therefore, many people that wish to jump to conclusion. So he lied to someone once, it was also the conclusion is: “I’m not going to believe the same person anymore.” According to the theory of logic, the decision to jump to conclusion that it is more often wrong.

“Believe in yourself will grow the courage,
trust in others will attract support. “

Maintain Stadium
Two extremes that people often do it is: too trusting or too difficult to believe. The things that all too often the “disease” or something we need to fix ourselves. The more so if we have sworn not to believe the same person or vow to always believe the same person. According to the reality of life, two things are included that are not logical. Why? If we do not believe the same person, then to whom we will believe? So also if we have always believed. Is not in this world there are people who can not be trusted?

If the explanation is associated with it already, too easy to believe it was one of the symptoms of inferiority (inferior). Referring to his notes Gilmer (1975), among the characteristics that are inferior people who had a positive response to the lure or the lure of the irrational. There are certain people more comfortable to lie with a wah-wah than the actual described (rationally). Even in the practice of recruitment of civil servants or a job abroad, not a few who are willing to pay the millions because of the lure that has no basis or fictitious.

Well, it is an example of the many examples that could be encountered in the practice of living. Many people seem to have given kindness to others, but essentially not want to be a good person and give good, but because of weakness. Husband-wife who “enjoy wrong way” spouse without positive reasons are also included here.

If it’s too easy to believe that associated with inferiority, too did not believe it is also associated with inferiority. More exactly is the feeling of lack of (something) or a feeling of fear of (something). This makes sense as well. Why? Usually, we judge that other people just as we judge ourselves. If we judge ourselves less or threatened, then we will tend to judge others as a source of threats and weaknesses. Therefore we do not easily believe. A friend jokingly saying, here’s the answer why our people-God’s signature ruwetnya society.

There are associating with the arrogance. Arrogance is feeling superior to others and that we apply in a way putting down others (speech, gesture, and action). Because we judge others is not as good as us or not as we Soleh, so we do not easily believe. Any source is not confident arrogance, fear or lack. Because we are afraid, if deemed not great or not sacred, then the effect is to cover up the fear with arrogance.

Anything else you associate with a perfectionist personality. Review this theoretical perfection divides into two. There are good and some bad (illness). What good is possible perfection. This means that we try something up to the highest standard or optimal as possible. For example, you are given the task by the office but you do not want to give it before you actually working on it as optimal as possible. You did not used to working poorly. This is great.

Well, the bad is impossible perfection. The shape is, we want everything there and there was perfect as we imagine or according to our size, but is essentially fear, less, or a denial of reality. If perfection was possible more in the process of getting something, but impossible perfection more on getting results. Impossible perfection is associated with the emergence of Distrust.

As we have seen before, all the people that actually have a feeling that his lack of (something) or a feeling of fear of (something). Whether it’s because of the fact or perception. That’s our job is to control the stage. Feeling less, for example, if a healthy or normal stage, will bring up the humble. If the stage is less, which appears is inferior or too trusting. If excessive, which appears is a greedy, arrogant, or not easy to believe.

“For someone who has a passive, it often becomes a source of fear stunt.
For people who are aggressive, fear it could give birth to brutality. “

Personal Coaching
Below are some processes that we can travel as an exercise to trust others:
First, a fair understanding of life. How do I make it fair? The trick is to eliminate the understanding that generalize. For example, you think no human can be trusted or otherwise. Why is not fair to say? In practice, there are people who can be trusted, but some are not. So the key is the person or somebody, not all human. In fact, we sometimes need to trust people but sometimes they do not need. It depends on circumstances and needs.

Second, specific. If we give the job to the best friend for reasons of faith, when in fact not been able to, certainly the outcome is less credible. Conversely, if we give to someone who is able, but we do not know his commitment, results were also less credible. Thus, almost no one who can be trusted for all things. Everything needs to be clarified its context. Therefore there is a message: “If we leave the matter to which no expert, just wait for their failure.” Experts here can be an expert because of his skill or for morality.

Third, the proposition that bind. This is all we need for the important things when we are not aware of who he is. Evidence that binds many of these forms: some physical and some non-physical. For example, a formal contract, agreement, or the institution which became the umbrella organization, document, environment, family, outlook on life, and others. If we gave money to the bank, do not need to know the man personally because the benchmark is an institution.

Fourth, the brave sacrifices ahead but do not be a victim. That is, we must dare to trust other people first before others to trust us. That is, a great soul also need to trust that person. But do not let it even be fatal. In order not fatal, there is suggesting, do not give a hundred percent to any belief. Maximum 80%. Or use considerations also remain ripe. In the TV show I saw last month that many students who are victims of false promises of his friends. This is because too much faith without calculation.

Fifth, self-actualizing through the various roles you can do. Why is this important? The goal, among others: eliminating keminderan, arrogance and add maturity. If you are a student, try not only know the books, computers, lecturers and campus. Mingling also outside it. If your workers, try not only to know the office and home. Signed also to other environments is somewhat different. Minimum, we need to know another environment. But the proportions should not be excessive.

Those are some things that we can embark on in the process of learning to trust others with awareness. What is no less important for us to remember is: there is no trust to deal built on evil. This applies internationally. The agreement of evil is only “apparently” only solid, but the evidence is not. Hopefully useful.

“Giving the responsibility and trust
is a valuable aid for others. “
(Booker T. Washington)

Posted by Cute at 8:43 PM

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